Napoleon Bonaparte Is History’s Only True Supervillain

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Napoleon Escapes Justice On His Super-Horse Of Evil

Napoleon Bonaparte is history’s only true supervillian. This may seem like a controversial statement, but it is one that I can prove with enumerable facts, a number of which I shall enumerate below. Before I present my proof, however, I would like to clarify something: I am not attempting to argue that Napoleon is the most evil man in history. There are at least half a dozen people who committed more evil acts, killed more people, burned more cities, etc, etc than Emperor Napoleon I. This, however, has no bearing on my claim. My argument is that, alone out of history’s great villains and vagrants, Bonaparte possesses a certain set of attributes that set him apart. Rather than a monster or a demon, he is clearly a supervillain.

Napoleon Bonaparte Makes No Sense (Historically Speaking)

Generally speaking, even the most evil of acts can be aligned properly with their historical context. This does not excuse them, but it does serve to explain them. Take Hitler for example. The antisemitism of the National Socialists is derivative of the philosophy pioneered by the Viennese mayor Karl Lueger  and his Christian Socialist Party, and in a broader sense, a tradition of German political antisemitism going back to Martin Luther. Hitler’s short-term aims were the reversal of the Treaty of Versailles and the restoration of German Great Power status. His long-term aims in the East were part of a tradition of German longing for an Eastern Empire that can be traced back the Imperial German policy in the Great War and even further, to the Northern Crusades of the 12th and 13th centuries and the Teutonic Knights colonization of what would become Prussia and the Baltic States.

None of this holds true for Napoleon. Napoleon Bonaparte came from a minor Corsican noble family, one who had been committed to the cause of Corsican independence. As a young man, Bonaparte was a fierce adherent of this cause. He abandoned this in favor of Radical French Republicanism, then dropped that in favor of dreams of Oriental Sultandom, then returned to Earth and became a vaguely classical Military Dictator, and then finally settled on Absolute Divine-Sanctioned Monarchy. All of this would make sense if Napoleon was rapidly acceding to the whims of popular opinion, but this sensible hypothesis is disproved by the facts. When Napoleon was bouncing around Egypt dreaming of converting to Islam and forging an Oriental Empire, this was not a plan supported by either his army, the people of France, the people of Egypt, or any recognized intellectual or political faction. And as for his decision to convert Republican France to a monarchy predicated on an absolutism that most actual kings didn’t believe in! Words escape me.

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Abraham Lincoln Was Not A Third Party President

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Honest Abe Is Deeply Disappointed In You

WHY IS THIS MEME BACK?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Ugh.

I can actually understand where this idea comes from. Our current political system did not fully arise until after the Civil War, and was not fully ossified until after the Second World War, and politics in the 19th century could be much more fluid than today. Still, the sometimes-expressed idea that it was a paradise for Third Parties and Alternative Parties is extremely anachronistic, and comes from historically-illiterate people projecting today’s politics backwards.

Let’s take this from the top, shall we?

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Wonder Woman And The Mythology Of The First World War

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So I have semi-organized thoughts on Wonder Woman. Unsurprisingly, most of them have to do with it’s treatment of World War One.

1. I LOVED IT SO MUCH! I haven’t seen any of the other DCCU movies so I can’t compare it to them but I thought it was really fun, and really well put together. The final battle dragged on a little too long for my taste but that’s the only real criticism I have in terms of movie construction.

2. So, I legit saw this movie so I could judge its historical accuracy. My judgment: better than expected! Besides obvious historical deviations, there were only two things that really bugged me. First, how did a German destroyer arrive to attack Paradise Island (which I presume is located somewhere in the Eastern Mediterranean) when all German naval units in the Med had been blockaded in Istanbul since 1914? Second, while the scene where Wonder Woman charges across No-Man’s Land and breaks the stalemate is really cool, it………could not have happened. The movie takes place in November of 1918. The stereotypical conditions of the Western Front had not existed since August, when the Allies broke the German lines and began the Hundred Days Offensive. By November, the German military was in complete collapse and full retreat. I was going to write about how silly it was that you see some British Mark I tanks on that German army base at the end but then I remembered that the German army actually captured a number of them and returned them to service in Imperial colors, so the movie’s got me beat there. Also, props for depicting the Imperial German Naval Ensign correctly! Oh, and I think Field Marshal Sir Douglas ‘Butcher’ Haig makes a cameo? Good for him .

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